My first endeavors into the finance arena, was originally being licensed to sell Life and Health insurance in Nevada in 1974, and later became a Realtor in Ohio in 1998. Currently I'm a public accountant, preparing tax returns for clients in Las Vegas and Cleveland, since 1975. When I was 22 years old, I purchased 20 acres in California, $50. down and $50. a month for ten year terms. When buying real estate, always purchase title insurance and use a credible title company to protect your investment. In 1984 my friends and I built the little A-frame home you see below, for about $10,000., in the Mojave National Preserve. I bought and sold real estate in Las Vegas over the years. E-mail me your questions, I will try to provide you an answer, or direct you to the right source. Related Real Estate services provided on this page are here as a courtesy for you, and does not mean any explicit endorsement, by me. Please call 1-702-515-9162, my cell, or try Email. Include your questions, and I will e-mail you the information, if available. Thank You.

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Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Or, your flash in the pan is a kick in the can! In other words, it's hard to get good help, even when you marry them.

Lesson 2:
A Priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he placed his hand upon her leg. The Nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The Priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The Nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The Priest apologized "Sorry Sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the Nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the Priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Or, Natures telling you got the wrong job!

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Or, management couldn't see a decent opportunity if it hit them upside the head.

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Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Or, Watch out for the Foxes!

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Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't go t the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Or, You can eat a lot of crap to get to the top, but is it worth it?

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of it is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep poop, it's best to keep your mouth shut! Or, to sacrifice yourself for another, is better than being buried alive in crap!---All the "Or's" are Bernie's!

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We Know What You Want! Bluetooth, Unlocked “No Con

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Whoever came up with this, probably folded the $20. bill into the Twin Towers, if you know what I mean. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the Area code...)
2. Multiply by 80
3. Add 1
4. Multiply by 250
5. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number
6. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
7. Subtract 250
8. Divide number by 2,
Do you recognize the answer? If not call me at 702-515-9162!

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Reset your mouse for 2009



You should actually do this every year.  Even more often is recommended by Kim Kommando (the computer guru) if you spend a lot of time on the computer.


I was shocked to see how well this works, and how far off mine was!


To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the X below, then drag the X toward the other X.   

If it doesn't work immediately, you might want to clean your mouse, as the calibration is off.

XYou invest with Bernie Made-off? You'll believe anything. You just got 'D. Bird' from Bernie!X


secure your computer

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